It has been over a month since I last posted anything, and nope, I'm nowhere near feeling focused yet. I just reread last month's blog, and it seems even less focused than what I had written earlier this year. Even though the word "focus" is in the damn title. Oh well. Maybe someday.
I've been observing people for the past few weeks. Not coming to any conclusions about anything. Just watching. Listening. Interacting. Trying not to think too much. Well, yeah, of course I have been thinking too much. But I've been trying not to. See? It's progress. I think. Or... I don't think ;)
Found some big love with my girls. The female friends I never really had until now. I'm grateful to feel close to so many people who care about me. I love feeling safe and comfortable with them. I love being myself, being a smartass, saying things I probably shouldn't say, and they're still always here for me.
As for guys, I'm just being an idiot, like usual. But I think I'm getting a little better. Maybe calming down some. I don't know. I say, clean slate in May and see how things go.
Ryan still doesn't know what hours he'll be working this summer. I'm still waiting to start looking for jobs. I want to run out and grab one, but I can't yet. Trying not to go fucking insane. I kind of need to know my availabity first, and find out who'll be taking care of my kid, and then I can go for whatever I find. And get my own place. And get OUT. And then... Probably feel more sane? I hope.
So Ryan's seeing this really cool guy now. And people are finally starting to believe me that YES, I have actually been single for almost 2 years. And YES, that's why I've been a little bitchy for 7 years. ha ha
We also finished off everything I wanted to do to improve our financial crap. Car loan and credit card, done and done. And NOW I can file those divorce papers. Yay! I have things organized. Just have to wait for HIS FUCKING JOB before I can figure out our custody agreement. (You hear that, Universe? I did my part. Please do yours. Thanks.)
So yeah. I'm feeling good. April was an awesome month. I ran around in circles a little, but I came out ahead in the end. Now there's so much nothing I want to do. I better get started.
