Happiness

Can happiness be taught?  Is it possible to permanently influence a person's outlook on life?

If I look at my own life -- my childhood, my choices, events that have changed my path -- what have I learned about happiness?

My childhood was difficult.  It still is.  I'm 33 -- yet I remain a child in many ways.  I feel (and have always felt) unloved by my family.  I'm glad I've come to accept this feeling, but I wish I could overpower it.  I'd prefer to view the idea with pure logic, rather than allow it to fuck with my emotions.  Would that help increase my happiness?  If I could let go of unrealistic disappointment?

Can I choose to be happy?  They say you can, but am I one of the exceptions?  Have I already screwed up too many times?  I don't think I have.  There's still hope for me, even if redemption is decades away.

And then there's guilt.  Yes, guilt.  Because I should be happy.  Because I do have a good life.  My son is the love of my life.  His dad is my best friend.  We're not together (in a romantic sense), but hey -- you can't have everything.  What I do have is wonderful.  A few of my friends continue to be present in my life.  They seem to recognize something worthwhile in me.  I am grateful for them, and Ryan, and, of course, Valen.

I was given the gift of the most precious, perfect little boy.  Valen is the definition of happiness.  I could learn everything I need to know from him.  I should quit this tedious self-analysis and start paying more attention to the Master of Joy.  My son was put on this planet to educate everyone he meets about the true meaning of life.  (And he's doing a kick-ass job so far!)

What does this mean for me?  What can I do to help others find happiness?  For starters, I suppose I should secure a better grasp on my own well-being.  I'm getting there.  Writing is helping me understand my feelings.  As soon as I have some sort of happiness epiphany, I'll be sure to let everyone know!